I wonder, at times, of people who may put their faith in a “Higher Power,” or in, as so frequently is heard in the halls of AA, a “Higher Power I choose to call God.” The choice is their’s to make, or is it? We all, in one way or another, are fed stories of [...]

My mind is torturing me with projections of past terror… I am afraid of being, becoming, afraid. I am afraid that at some point ahead I will encounter terror — to be, to find myself suddenly confronted by a terrible and fearful situation. That something will go wrong — will break — and I will [...]

I get up and look around to see if all my stuff is here: keys, wallet, etc. Yes. “Fuck,” I say to myself and go back to sleep. I finally get up. I take my morning meds. Now I am on amitriptyline, gabapentin (brand name Neurontin), quetiapine fumarate (brand name Seroquel), and prazosin. None of [...]

“Fuck.” That is the word that most describes my current mood. I am in a bar — whose name I care not to know nor remember — somewhere in Boston. I cannot drink. But I do anyway…

I have been away… scared and confused I have been these many months… things have not gotten better. I have been through it all (“from Jesus to Paul”); I have been to Burning Man; I have driven across the US; I have fallen out and in of love; I have seen the insides of jail; [...]